Anonymous asked: I came out to one of my friends today. I'm ace, you see. I asked you about this a few weeks ago. I... I don't know how I feel. I want to be happy that she knows, even though I didn't go into depth as to what it is, but I dunno... I came out to her because it's been weighing on me forever, not telling her. I... I think I'm glad. I needed one friend who knew, one who wasn't my lesbian friend (who kind of dismissed it.) to know. It's weird, coming out as ace. I don't like being judged.
Hey there anon, I’m glad to hear from you again!
I gotta tell ya’, I know how you feel. The conflict between wanting people to know, versus, well… not. And I know what you mean but not wanting to be judged. The unfortunate thing is for any label, in regards to sexuality, orientation, gender identity, fuck, your degree of lactose tolerance… it’s all kind of hard because people automatically make assumptions, no matter what or who you are (or love or don’t or w/e). Even if they love you or know you really well already, even if they try not to.
I hope your friend is able to take your announcement in stride. But regardless, I’m proud of you for saying something (ha, as if my pride actually means anything… oh well, it’s there all the same ;) ). It probably just feels weird because telling other people is, like, a step towards actualization, the cementing of this identity, public acknowledgement of this thing you’ve recently discovered about yourself, you know? And it’s like it’s a new label all over again. It took me a while to sort of get used to saying “I’m grey-ace” or “on the ace-spectrum” aloud without feeling like a liar or like I was… misappropriating the identity of a group of people who were “ace-ier” than me (whatever that even means).
Everyone feels different about their “coming out”. Hell, no one said you had to be happy about it necessarily. Your asexuality is a part of you, but just one part, right? No one would expect me to be happy about “coming out” as brunette, or a coffee drinker (though, disclaimer, I’m not even implying those are the same things). But it is still something you want other people to know, so that they know and understand You better. So again, I’m proud of you for saying something, because for some people, their sexuality is a very personal aspect that they are very hesitant to share and talk about with others, but as I said last time, it’s yours and it’s never something you should be ashamed of.
tl;dr good on you, Anon; fuck the haters